Rasheed Wallace sees things



Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace has been the most penalized player in the NBA under the new "No Tolerance" regime. Leading the NBA with 19 technical fouls, Wallace claims that referees are whistling him for each and every thing, including his trademark, "Ball Don't Lie" slogan.

Friends close to the enigmatic and moody superstar reveal that Rasheed is not only battling the NBA and it's referees each game, but an intense fear of imaginary lightning. Speaking under conditions of anonymity, one of Wallace's long time associates told us that Rasheed started seeing flashes of lightning on the court during his second season as a Portland TrailBlazer.

When we approached Rasheed after a recent game, he was more than happy to get things off of his chest.

"You know, I hate lightning, so I let it be known," Wallace said. "I don't like lightning and I don't like to be around lightning. I am astraphobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. Lightning is felonius. FEL-ON-I-OUS!"

Pistons' Physical Therapist Arnie Kander has been working with Wallace to combat his phobia by attaching small magnets to the inside of Wallace's headband. The reasoning?

"The magnets help draw the special properties of my mango potions towards Rasheed's eye balls", said Kander. "It's not just chemistry, but a holistic approach to constructing a mental and spiritual defense against the Devil."

"I told him, put'em on the back of the headband, front of the headband, whatever," Wallace said. "We will win."

Admit it. This is really about the article claiming that Arnie adjusts the hydrogen bond angles in the team drinking water. Everything you do from now on is going to play off that.

The Pistons should have put Arnie in that super hero comic book promo. He's got powers. Not scary powers, but powers. Exorcisms, regeneration, clearing or clouding men's minds, that kind of stuff. Can even make his fist like unto a thing of iron.

Wouldn't the magnets qualify as jewelry? More fines on the way for Sheed

The Red Wings may notl like Lightning either if they have to face them in the NHL finals.

http://www.tampabaylightning.com/

April Fools, Roscoe!

Good thing he doesn't play for the Bulls, otherwise he'd be walking around with 2 magnets glued to his temples.