This was an odd week with a lot of blowouts, scores pretty much unchanged during the week, and no 5-4 results. We're now at a point where 5 teams are separated by 1 win, and only 5 wins separate the 1st through 10th place teams. Even the professor isn't that far behind, so it's still anyone's game.


Week 4 Results:

Warthog's Wackjobs (3), Aurora Kimmie Lights (6)

Lesson: never take anything for granted. Warthog expected to 'handily' win in 3-pointers, points, rebounds, and blocks, and only took rebounds. His strategy to use all forwards backfired as Aurora dominated in 3-pointers and then got 12 blocks from Biedrins in 2 games while Okafor and Bosh forgot to put their hands up on D. Then his Team Toronto underachieved as the Raptors were up by 23 points early Sunday and played their bench. He watched his FG% category also slip away on the final day, watching ESPN GameCast and consistently seeing things like "Chris Bosh missed uncontested dunk" and "Tony Parker's shot blocked by Nate Robinson's 2 year old son", while Biedrins showed off his uncontested layup skills to the tune of 31 points. Aurora would have won 8-1, except Diaw ate too many butterfingers, turned into one, and continually turned it over 10 times per game. Add around 17 steals the final day for the Wackjobs and you end up with a 6-3 Aurora victory.

Along with the MoPete trade discussion and 5 Raptors players, PF.com members are starting to discuss if Warthog is really Brian Colangelo in disguise, or if he just likes to reference himself in the 3rd person 50 times per post.

Slippys Sandbaggers (7), sprockets (2)

Well the S^2 advantage held while S^1 decided to stick with their injured players rather than add/drop and get burned by the waiver wire later this year, like Aurora will when Gasol gets healthy again. But hey, it's a good way to win in turnovers and percentage categories. Dba jabbed at Slippy while clinging to a 4-5 record, but Slippy got the last laugh taking a game Saturday and a game Sunday for the 7-2 victory. The Sandbaggers leaped into 2nd place and have been exposed. Now everyone will be gunning for them starting with Tater this week, and it won't be pretty. Dba was last seen playing Basketball for the Intellivision and wondering if simplification might be the best strategy, but overthinks that as well and falls into a coma after wondering why the game has no 3-point line and players turn blue when they have the ball.

Awesomeness...I hope (7), Promise not to quit (2)

Promise not to quit did not disappoint this week! Professor assumed defeat, and defeat is what he got. Apparently hope trumps despair in a fight...who knew? Either that or Linwood just took Professor to the Lin-woodshed for a good old-fashioned beatdown. Besides, he's still sandbagging under the former owner's team name and getting away with it, but not for long. Linwood it's time to change your team name to something more personal, like theLinwoods or LINWOODS TEAM or Linwood Kimmie Lights.

Tater's Terrors (6), bball_future (3)

I'm running out of potato jokes after only 4 weeks, but let's give it another go. Tater peeled the skin off the Darko-huggers and poured salt in the wounds. That wasn't that spectacular I know. Jay survived more injuries and couldn't win despite Darko's league-leading 5.4 rebounds a game. It's too bad he's so unselfish that he shares rebounds with Dwight Howard, or makes other players get rebounds by altering shots. It's also too bad he's so unselfish that he won't make free throws and embarass the other team by making them look bad. It's even more difficult for Darko to do well when he's getting every NBA rookie their first points, because every day there's just soooo many players with 0 NBA points on the same team who are looking to score for the first time. Score is Darko 1, Malcontent 0 as of last season. Can you say Malc-owned-tent?

16 MIle (1.5), ChipsOnPistons (7.5)

16 Mile reappeared this week, only to get trounced by America's team, our boys in blue, the Pistons. 16 Mile hasn't made any moves all year, keeping with his ChipsOnLakers strategy, which might work out better if his Chips weren't on players like Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic. Chips' Sunday strategy bit him in the butt, as he benched all of his players to try and win the turnovers category since 16 Mile had 10 guys playing and only had to turn it over 9 times among them. Chips, however, forgot that half of 16 Mile's lineup routinely get DNPs (four players on Sunday), so only 8 turnovers were committed and Chips tied in that category. Apparently the strategy there is "if they don't play, they can't hurt you." If he had just played his guys, he would have lost turnovers completely but won in blocks - instead 16 Mile took that over as well, costing Chips 0.5 games. That could be huge down the stretch.

theRalphies (3), HIMATS TEAM (6)

I successfully predicted Himat pulling out the victory. Antoine Walker hit one 3-pointer for the entire week, while JR Smith beat that in half a quarter. So far Ralphies has played well, but just one level below the league's elite teams like Warthog's Wackjobs and Warthog's Wackjobs, along with Warthog's Wackjobs. Himat could be the team to beat this year, as his lineup is ridiculously stacked but also has a very short bench. Bonzi isn't getting playing time, Roy has been hurt, Williams is hurt, and Brendan Haywood is well, Brendan Haywaood. If his starters are tired by the playoffs he could be in trouble. Good thing this is a 12-team league with very few good players on waivers so Himat can't shore up his bench and dominate. If Baron Davis continues to be hurt and Namby Pamby Camby stubs another pinky toe, Himat may underachieve this season.


Week 5 Preview:

Warthog's Raptors (19-14-3) vs. HIMATS TEAM (20-16-0)

#3 and #4 duking it out. Himat is upset that he has more wins but is half a game back, while Warthog is amazed he's still in 3rd place after getting embarassed by Aurora. Warthog went up against #2 before and barely won, so he decided to look at other teams for help. Seeing ChipsOnPistons on top of the league, he decided to follow suit and put 5 Toronto Raptors on his team. This may backfire when they only play 2 games in a week, but luckily this week they play 4. Or it may backfire because Wart is trusting a team based in Canada. Although they do have BBQ Doritos going for them. Himat's squad is loaded if he plays all of them (Pierce, Garnett, Martin, Randolph, Bibby), but Warthog finally has more games this week, not even counting Gasol. Look for him to sacrifice his usual victory in Turnovers and use those extra games to his advantage.

Slippys Sandbaggers (22-14-0) vs. Tater's Terrors (17-18-1)

Oooooh this is a hot one!! Two of the stronger personalities go head-to-head. Both recently stripped of their Darth status, look for Tater and Slippy to trade heavy punches and take their anger out on each other. I've heard rumors of both hiring hitmen to take out the knees and ACLs of the opposing players. Slippy and Tater are both very strong in points and steals, while weak in blocks, and neither has lost in assists. Look for these 4 categories to determine the winner. Tater has been terrorizing, Slippy hasn't been sandbagging, so I'll go to the team that's true to its name and pick Tater to win. Of course there are other rumors of the two teams merging into one super team. Frankly, the thought of a SlippyTater frightens me. I've experienced slippy things like white castle, but a slippy potato could be more than anyone here can handle.

Awesomeness...I hope (18-16-2) vs. sprockets (20-16-0)

I wanted to give out the namby-pamby award to 16 Mile for the 3rd straight week, but I couldn't ignore sprockets' China dolls. Someone tell dba's team that Jay is supposed to have the injury-prone players. Or maybe dba forget to include "wussy namby pamby" as a category in his statistical analysis. Either way, congrats on the award. Awesomeness also takes over Slippy as the biggest Sandbagger, appearing harmless to start the season but going 13-5 in the last 2 weeks. One more week of that and you'll be exposed to everyone. Awesome gets a head start this week, but sprockets get healthy later on and claw back to a 5-4 victory.

Aurora Kimmie Lights (17-19-0) vs. Promise not to quit (12-23-1)

Earlier I said that Professor was still in the hunt to win this league, but probably not after Aurora is done with him. Her team shocked Warthog in Week 4 by beating him in almost every category he thought was a done deal. Professor's team reverted back from its Promise Not To Suck mantra from Week 3 to its original Promise To Suck mantra from Weeks 1 and 2. These teams actually match up really well on paper, but that's before Raja Bell started hitting 7 threes a game and Biedrins started blocking 7 shots a game. No, not Ray Allen and AK47, Bell and Biedrins. Sounds more like a slip & fall law firm than a dominating duo. Look for them both to come back down to earth this week and for the Professor to eek out 2-3 games.

16 MIle (8-27-1) vs. bball_future (17-19-0)

The match of the week!! We get to test my theory that 16 Mile and bball jay are the same person!! Jay has a much better opportunity to win the league, so if he wins 9-0 this week while 16 Mile benches everyone, then there's some Da Vinci Code going on. Of course if it's 8-1 or 7-2 that could prove my theory too, with Jay dropping a few games so he doesn't look suspicious. Of course, if it's 0-9 or 2-7 or a score like that, it would be to throw us off his trail so that could prove my theory as well. Basically whatever statistics come out this week, (good, bad, high, low, etc.) I will spin them to prove my convictions as 100% fact...just like Jay does when talking about Darko.

theRalphies (18-16-2) vs. ChipsOnPistons (22-12-2)

Even though Ralphi has lost 2 weeks in a row and Chips is now in 1st place, Ralphi pulls off the upset. Chips moved into 1st after beating up on perennial doormat 16 Mile, while Ralphi had close matches against the #3 and #4 teams. As we've all learned from the Darko-huggers, stats can be misleading. Unless the stats favor your conviction...then they count. But if the stats aren't what you expect, they don't count. Just remember, according to Lee you must forget the stats. But according to JackAttaq you must look at the stats. Keep that in mind.

This stuff is priceless Wart.

I dunno if my squad can beat slippy's. He always saves his best for me.

Expect lots of fireworks from slippy and I. :ne rner::darth vader:

( We are good friends and live for this, so PLEASE nobody take any of what we may say this week seriously,) it is all in good natured fun.

lol and by the way i said slippy was stripped of his darth status, although he is still publicly on the light side as luke slippywalker ... but don't be fooled by the cover up!!

So I'm thinking to myself last night. Go on, watch a few minutes of the Clips/Nugs game. What can it hurt?

So, I turn the TV on just in time to watch my man Sam-I-Am streaking down the court for a nice flip back over his shoulder layup. Two I shout to my wife's consternation. But, as has been ordained, Sam lands oddly, and - wait for it - ... - begins to limp. Yes, another sprocket bites the dust.

Maybe I should reapply for the CYO league. I think I can beat some of those twelve year olds.

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"But first, are you experienced? Or have you you ever been experienced? Well, I have."
Jimi

You seem to be afflicted with the "Linwood curse". He hired Arnie Kander this year and it's made a difference.

I looked for a smilie to represent your team but couldn't find a smilie in traction.

Darth Tater your reign of terror ends here. Of course, where it began is anyones guess. You will rue the day you overlooked Stephon "I can't even attempt a shot" Marbury for that rag tag bunch of....SUPERSTARS that you front as your team.

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Slippy, I am really trying to be kind here.

Like, you know, thank you for the victory in advance. Also, thankee for Eddy Curry. You must think a great deal of my squad to tell me that a player you dropped last week who scores 21 points and grabs 10 boards hurts my team.

You also must have an overinflated opinion of your own players values to drop him. He just may turn out like Raymond Felton for me. By the way, thanks for dropping Felton last year. He takes great pride in my championship banner.

My Jedi mind tricks work well on you. I may have you drop Jamison next. Just for kicks. Not like I need his help.

Anyhow, how did you work it so that Deron Williams plays like every day this week? Nice move, Slippwalker, but the light ain't where it's at. As you see, I survived the Darth cuts. I am the one and only DARTH.

You would be wise to succomb to the powers of the dark side while you still can. Your team amuses me but I can't possibly take it seriously. Starbury needs to spend more time aiming at the basket than he does hawking shoes.

I consider this match a warmup for my really tough opponents like Kimmee.

I can't wait to se the eulogy...err...recap that Wart does for your team next weak...errr...week.

Well, at least you play basketball better than you play HOCKEY.


Let the games begin!

Now go back to watching your Partridge family reruns. David Cassidy is about your speed.

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"Quite simply captain, I examined the problem from all angles, and it was plainly hopeless. Logic informed me that under the circumstances, the only logical action would have to be one of desperation. Logical decision, logically arrived at." -- Spock

You fellas never disappoint!

famous last words...Sally.

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Whatever Plant man! Go water your tiger lillies. They are drooping these days.