Bill Walton Anti-christ or retarded clown?

Discussion in 'Pistons and NBA' started by G-man, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. G-man

    G-man Starter

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    Just watched the Pistons / Heat game on ESPN.

    The number one question regarding the event just witnessed has to be;
    Bill Walton, anti-christ or retarded circus clown?

    My vote is anti-christ clown.

    This guy has to be the worst analyst in professional basketball.
    I don't care about his obvious bias. It's the whole package he brings to my flat screen that I find offensive. He's incredibly creepy. He's like liquid intestinal gas splashed across the tv pixels.

    You need a nauseous moment? Knowing your team is about to have the fly brained Walton chortling his view of their inner workings to a national audience is a enough to make a grown man cry.

    But it's his colorful remarks, like the one about Dwayne Wade being a "chiseled Michelangelo with a great upper rack" that really make me wonder what he was doing to other players jocks while they were showering back in his Portland playing days.

    Seriously, his non-stop never-take-a-breath jabberwocking anti-Piston gurgling is more than a sane man can bare. At half time I caught myself standing on a chair trying to fashion a hang-mans noose over a ceiling beam in my cabin.

    ESPN management is clearly nuts, crazy, insane. Anyone that would actually sign checks that compensate this clown for his game insight probably needs to check their car for leaking exhaust fumes.

    That's it, that's all I'm saying.....
  2. mercury

    mercury Bench Warmer

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    Always wondered how he's stayed on the air so long... it could be the shock factor (like Barkley).... what stupid thing is he gonna say next?.... kinda like those commercials you hate but you still watch cause it's rediculously dumb humor... if it gets a reaction then mission accomplished for the ratings.
  3. max

    max All-Star

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    I don't know nobody seems to like him. I can take him for about a quarter then its gets real old fast.

    Why is he on the air?
  4. ahb

    ahb Bench Warmer

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    I heart Bill Walton. That monologue of his was absolutely priceless
    He's usually funny, occasionally insightful, and easy to tune out if you take him too seriously.
  5. pwf

    pwf Second Round Draft Pick

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    Maybe he appeals to the gay audience.

    :brick:
  6. basketbills

    basketbills All-Star Forum Donor

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    I couldn't get the voting box to work but I'll go with antichrist.
  7. Slippy

    Slippy All-Star Administrator Forum Donor

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    Bill walton is for people who watch Elimidate AND tune ito the basketball game.

    What would be truly entertaining is replacing Mr. Bill with Napoleon Dynamite.
    "Coaches only like players with skills. Cross over skills. REbound skills. Shooting skills. You know, SKILLZ!"
  8. Darth Tater

    Darth Tater All-Star Forum Donor 6x Fantasy Champion

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    HEY! Watch it, you! Them's thar fightin' words.

    We Idahoans take great pride in Napoleon. He put us on the map.

    Prepare the potato launchers guys! This means war.:boxing::laser:
  9. barbara SanAntone

    barbara SanAntone First Round Draft Pick

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    Thanks G-Man, you said it. I couldnt believe the bias. I was thinking if I didnt know for sure the Pistons were playing the Heat, I would think it was some ghost team Heat was playing...Never a Piston mention or prop, it was all about Miami.:doh:

    Oh yeah, when Pistons whomped Miami, no acknowledgement about the great team that beat the Heat, just a litany of reasons why the Heat didnt win, poor Alonzo, poor little Shaq pinkie, and that other team didnt let Wade get his play....boo hooooo:Cry:

    I expect team bias from our local TV reporting games, but NOT national TV. Colorful? funny? entertaining? If the comments were shared for both teams it would be different. This guy was too obvious. What a jerk!:smash:

    ps: Micro, I need a "jerk" smilie:nod:
  10. roscoe36

    roscoe36 All-Star Administrator

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    I'll see what I can do BSA.
  11. Warthog

    Warthog Bench Warmer

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    just get a pic of walton ;D you could take that cartoon-ized version they have for him on ESPN and throw it, err, shrink it down!! shrink it down big man!!
  12. Slippy

    Slippy All-Star Administrator Forum Donor

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    animated gif of a bill walton bobble head.

    Charlie rosen did the same thing:
    http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5437578

    The Miami heat played a collection of unidentified nba players and could have won except that they....
  13. professor

    professor Bench Warmer Forum Donor

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    do the chickens have large talons?
  14. roscoe36

    roscoe36 All-Star Administrator

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    Neither.

    Ian Cameron sums it up best.

    But something happened along the way that caused me to reconsider my disdain for Big Red; I actually turned the volume up and listened to one of his games. And in doing so, I realized quickly that the joke was on me, that my naivete and/or blind-hate had kept me from appreciating Walton for what he is: a willing punchline. His hyperbole, his non-sequitors, his uncomfortable hetero-crushes–Walton is just playing along, throwing humorous tidbits against the wall to see which ones stick. Why else would someone say the following... [more]
  15. G-man

    G-man Starter

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    Sorry Micro I already tried that route.

    What he does is blatantly impact the value of a teams image via his soft-porn like diatribes.

    He holds himself out to the semi-ignorant masses as one that actually knows something and many of those softly observing 'fans' take him at his word. His external validation comes in the form of the ESPN soapbox, microphone and camera.

    The joke isn't on us. I'm not hip to his self promoting psycho-babble when it's clearly laced with disdain and is biased beyond any reasonable semblance of balance. By the way I didn't forget all of his negative commentary about the city, people, and players from Detroit during and after the Malice at the Palace (though not a single Piston was involved in the muggings).
    Was that an inside joke? A yuk-yuk for the hipsters?

    It isn't humor, he ain't cool and I don't embrace the theory that the un-hip masses just don't get it. He's paid to entertain but to do it by bringing some real level of game intelligence and insight to the buying populace. That's the core of his job description.

    I don't have any inclination to look through the thin veil and witness wisdom or wit in what he's doing. It isn't b-ball analysis, it isn't b-ball color, it isn't even about b-ball. It's about him.

    My vote, Retarded Circus Clown.
    I want my money back.
  16. TheeTFD

    TheeTFD All-Star

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    Can you imagine how monotonous BBall analysis is for all these guys? saying the same thing over and over about simular BBall teams? My guess is BW says these things just to stoke himself up, because the alternative is blowing your brains out.
  17. dba

    dba All-Star Moderator 1x Fantasy Champion Forum Donor

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    Or maybe getting another job? The retarded clown is getting paid reasonably big bucks to get driven around to watch basketball games and all he has to do if make some effort to actually analyze what and why teams do certain things. If he can't make the effort to at least watch the game he's calling, after having done some actual homework on the teams, he ought to be kicked out of the chair.
  18. TheeTFD

    TheeTFD All-Star

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    No problem with that either.
  19. G-man

    G-man Starter

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    Hear hear. At least you could learn something from the "old standard" guys like Hubie Brown. There's nothing worse than a hollow shill with bad hair..
  20. roscoe36

    roscoe36 All-Star Administrator

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    In a world that is much too serious, and on the internet that is far too demanding for information, someone like Walton is a welcome reprieve from the blatant and wornout homerism of Blaha, or the awkward enthusiasm of Fred McCloud.

    For as long as I can remember, you have a colour man (whose job by definition is to be colourful) and a play-by-play announcer. Walton just chooses to display his colour as crackpot banter rather than droning analysis.

    Walton makes me laugh because he mocks the players, the teams, the game and his own network, all while collecting a check. He's laughing at his expense, his boss' expense, the players' expense and your expense. You either laugh along, or feel bad. BILL DON'T CARE.

    While Pistons fans can cry and moan about Brawl responsibility or Tim Legler, should we really care? Isn't the ultimate prize the place in history and the fact that no other team's fans can say BOO to us this year?

    I don't need approval of my team from The Daily Dime, and I don't need Hubie Brown to describe in mind numbing detail how a pick and roll was executed.

    I wanna laugh at ESPN and their over the top coverage of Ginobili and Wade. I wanna hear Walton mock them with no respect for himself or of his listeners because this plastic NBA, pre-fab, over-hyped, Bron vs. Melo, Wade vs. Kobe, Shaq vs. Ming crap is overdone and and I don't give a damn who is the MVP.

    The greatest lines I have read or heard...

    Tony Parker makes a pass, which gets deflected out of bounds by an opposing defender. Spurs ball, no big deal... Walton roars: "Tony Parker just made the worst pass... in the history of Western Civilization!"

    "Greg Ostertag is one of the top centers on this planet!"

    "You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. As if Michelangelo was reading and a lightning bolt flashed before him."

    On Rasheed Wallace: "He's like a four-armed Dikembe Mutombo around the basket!"

    If you can't laugh at one (or two) liners like that, you're taking this all way too seriously IMHO. Bill is the willing clown. Be a willing audience. You just might smile as the Pistons overcome the Heat in the second half, and for all of the wrong reasons, which in my book, makes them all right.

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