Novice League 2006 : Week 02 Results, Week 03 Preview

Discussion in 'Fantasy Sports Central' started by Warthog, Nov 13, 2006.

  1. Warthog

    Warthog Bench Warmer

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    What an exciting week!! Lead changes throughout, lead changes in the final hours, no one winning by more than 6-3 (and at one point Sunday, every matchup was 5-4). Looks like every team matched up pretty well with each other.

    Week 2 Results:

    Warthog's Wackjobs (4), Awesomeness...I hope (3)

    The closest match of the week featuring 2 ties, the Wackjob players from Warthog's team beat out Lin-wood-you-like-to-take-over-a-team's Hopefully Awesome squad. Warthog played catchup all week as his players forgot to schedule any games until Sunday, and was down 5-4. Linwood led in rebounds, steals, and blocks, but had 1 player to Warthog's 7. Okafor, Brand, and Bosh took care of the boards while the rest of Wart's team was able to comeback and tie in steals and blocks. His decision to play "T.urnover" J. Ford, however, was a poor one, as he contributed no steals or blocks and committed 8 turnovers, so Linwood won that category.

    Warthog wants some of the magic potion that Linwood gave to Peja that inspired him to actually play defense and record a couple steals and a block on Sunday. Private investigators have been hired to check for bribes or fixing games. Free chili was found, corresponding to Linwood's love of accurate free throw shooters. Overall this was a fantastic matchup that could have ended up 7-2 for Warthog of 6-3 for Linwood. Instead, both teams suffer with fewer wins. :)

    Slippys Sandbaggers (5), Aurora Kimmie Lights (4)

    The Sandbaggers were up 6-3 heading into Sunday, hoping to further that lead by sending out his boisterous blocking big boys to win that category. Aurora had different plans, and the lack of apostrophe's in Slippy's team name didn't help his karma either. Perhaps it was Aurora's squad that was Sandbagging from week 1, pretending not to play defense, block shots, or steal the ball. In fact, her team didn't do much of anything the first week.

    A Light must have went on Aurora's team's head, as they fended off Slippy's blockers, and recorded a ridiculous 17 steals to snag an extra victory and only lose 5-4. Too much Sandbagging cost Slippy dearly, especially since he forgot that turnovers is a negative category. Folks, he went out and set the bar so high that it may never be reached again. 135 turnovers!!!! Congratulations on your players learning to share the ball with their opponents. Next week, Slippy forfeits every game as his team takes off to try and pass 1st grade.

    bball_future (5), Promise not to quit (4)

    One of the few scores that did not change from Saturday to Sunday (although they swapped in 3-pointers and turnovers), Bball Jay's squad squeaked out another dominating 5-4 victory. Jay said he could've won 9-0, but was worried that the Professor might break his Promise and Quit the league if he was winless after 2 weeks. The stats were somewhat weird, as the Professor won in FT%, FG%, 3PTM, and PTS, but lost in every other category. Apparently his team likes to score while Jay's team likes to play defense, taking a cue from Darko Milicic, the non-malcontent defender who is responsible for every positive thing in this world, and a victim of everything negative.

    What really happened is that the future kicked the past's ass. Overrated, overpaid centers such as Darko, Nene, and Amare laid the smack down on the aging, champion, playoff-tested Shaq, Zo, and Duncan. Fortunately for the Professor, Flip Saunders and Larry Brown installed wind machines for whenever Jay's team was shooting baskets or free throws, which is why they shot so poorly. Certainly it couldn't be Darko's fault that he missed 2 of every 5 shots or 1 of every 3 free throws. And what's the deal with not counting Delfino's 3-pointers when his release looks so pretty!! It's not his fault the ball doesn't go in the net!!

    Sprockets (6), ChipsOnPistons (3)

    Sprockets were only up 5-4 going into Sunday, but somehow increased his lead to finish with a 6-3 victory. He was even more surprised that he gained this lead without any Pistons playing Sunday for the CoP-ers. It was obvious playing against the Pistons that dba's team would win in FG%, FT%, 3-pointers, points, steals, and turnovers.

    Really this could've gone either way. The was a .006 difference in free throws, 3 for 3-pointers, 1 for points, 7 for assists, 2 for blocks, and 3 for turnovers. But just like the Pistons, Chips came up short in all those categories. He's hoping the hard losses now will just be a precursor to a big trade mid-season and a playoff push near the end.

    Taking a closer look, Sprockets won this week based on Chips' hatred of Tyson Chandler and Tim Thomas. Chips benched them Sunday for lower back spasms, even though he would have won 5-4 if they were in the lineup. His "Anti-Win Now" club promises to barely lose all season, while Sprockets calculates the probability of his opponents forgetting to set their lineups the rest of the season.

    Taters Terrors (5), HIMATS TEAM (4)
    Ahhh, another epic battle against two apostrophe-challenged teams. The Taters looked to beat up on slow-starting Himat and emerge from the pit of suckitude. The Terrors did climb out of the pit of suckitude, and landed firmly on the swamps of mediocrity, taking Himat's team with him. Tater thought he had a 6-3 victory locked, until Himat's team pimped the rebounds. Krstic pulled down 10, so they must have counted boards during pre-game, and Brendan Haywood took time out of his busy schedule of getting leveled by teammates to pull down 5 boards and take the category.

    Himat held a short postgame press conference: "Malcontent? I'll show you malcontent!! His name is Brendan Haywood Jablowme, and even Carlos Arroyo could kick his ass!!"

    theRalphies (5), 16 MIle (4)

    This was the biggest comeback of the night, as 16 Mile was up 6-3 and lost 5-4. No doubt spelling his name with a capital 'I' that looks like a lower case 'l' was the cause of his demise. Caron Butler had some random steals and Antoine Walker shot over 50% in a game for the first time since grade school, while Kobe Bryant continues to let Luke "Ben Affleck" Walton take all of his shots. It's something that's never been done in the history of the NBA in this era's history of the NBA history era. 16 Mile worked diligently to get Redd traded to the Portland for 1 game so he could win the points category, but to no avail.

    Ralphies had excellent Karma and deserved the win this week, successfully applying smack talk that was 16 Mile never responded to. His player Stephen Jackson would not approve. 16 Mile's team gets the namby-pamby award for Week 2, and will be referred to as such in the preview to come later today.

    Here's the predictions and preview for Week 3. Feel free to edit and put this at the top post.


    Week 3 Preview:

    Awesomeness...I hope (5-11-2) vs. Aurora Kimmie Lights (8-10-0)

    Another battle between two sub-.500 teams. Can one team escape the swamps of mediocrity and land in the somewhat-muddy-but-not-as-wet-or-nasty marshlands of mediocrity? We will find out in 7 days! Linwood and Aurora are very close in most categories, so it'll be interesting to see which players step up (or which ones get injured...*cough* AK47 *cough*). Aurora's Waiver Wire Commandos start 10 players every night of the week to ensure victory while Linwood still tries to remember he has to set his lineups every day.

    Taters Terrors (6-11-1) vs. ChipsOnPistons (11-6-1)

    While this looks lopsided on paper, the underrated or underachieving (or under-good-at-basketball) Taters are going to pull off the upset this week. The CoP-ers are shorthanded with the Pistons not playing until Wednesday. Plus, the CoP-ers can't figure out how to handcuff a Tater. Oh, the Terror! Desperate for help and desperate for his Pistons to play well, Chips convinces Joe D. to trade Amir Johnson for Brendan Haywood. He figures the Pistons will right their ship after trading for a malcontent big man who can't play offense and is a cancer in the locker room, noting that the Pistons went 64-18 last year when they were used to that kind of player on their team. Chips pulls out a few nightsticks Saturday and Sunday to make mashed potatoes, but forgets the gravy, and Tater wins 7-2.

    16 MIle (6-12-0) vs. HIMATS TEAM (6-12-0)

    While it appears that 16 Mile and Himat don't like ties, they both change their mind after realizing ties count as 0.5 wins in Fantasy. 16 Mile's namby-pambies suggest that both teams start zero players for the entire week, figuring 0 losses and 4.5 points is good enough, and Himat reluctantly agrees. Look for both squads to be 6-12-9 heading into Week 4.

    Warthog's Wackjobs (11-5-2) vs. theRalphies (12-5-1)

    In this matchup between two early season powerhouses, Ralphi's team is half a game ahead of the Wackjobs and looking to knock Wart down a few rungs on the ladder. This looks to be pretty close, as both teams like to smack talk, and both took turns beating up on 16 Mile. This might be an easy week to predict, however, as each team has opposite strengths and weaknesses. Looking at raw numbers, the Wackjobs should pull off 5-6 wins this week, leaning toward 6 since theRalphies were desperate enough to pick up Antoine Walker.

    Slippys Sandbaggers (12-6-0) vs. Promise not to quit (4-13-1)

    The former namby-pambies Promise to Sandbag for 2 weeks in a row. If they were Sandbagging last week, look out, because they had the highest totals in 4 of 9 categories, and the second highest totals in 3 of the other 5. The Professor's only hope is that David Stern implements a new rule similar to fouling out, except with turnovers. Stern agrees, and he decrees that once a player reaches 5 turnovers, he is kicked out of the game. Professor wins 9-0 after Slippy's players continually get booted halfway through the 1st quarter.

    sprockets (13-5-0) vs. bball_future (10-8-0)

    The ULTIMATE match of the week!! The sprocket-protectors fight yet ANOTHER mathematically-challenged opponent!! Everyone should be watching this game closely, as it is stats vs. potential, numbers vs. imaginary numbers, and real-side vs. upside. Look for dba's squad to win 9-0, while Jay wins 9-0 in moral victories. Jay loses again after unsuccessfully petitioning Yahoo to create the following new categories:

    - Altered Shots
    - Didn't Block But Made Them Miss
    - Prevented Them From Taking A Shot
    - Number Of Times A Player Didn't Go After A Mobile 7-Foot Big Man For Fear of Having His Shot Blocked
    - Prone To Injuries
     
  2. dba

    dba All-Star Moderator 1x Fantasy Champion Forum Donor

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    O.k., so I'm watching the Nets/Wiz game last night and pulling for the Wiz since I hate the Nets. But, suddenly it's time for a last second shot - the Nets need a three for overtime - and I realize, hey, Antonio Daniels is in the game. If the Nets tie, that's five more minutes of playing time. GO NETS! Come on Vince, bury it!

    Good thing too, winning the points category 507 to 506 is a little too close.
     
  3. MotownPride

    MotownPride Starter 2x Fantasy Champion

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    Warthog these recaps/previews are REALLY...REALLY good! I'm still laughing about the bball future commentary. :pound:
     
  4. Darth Tater

    Darth Tater All-Star Forum Donor 6x Fantasy Champion

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    Wonderful stuff. :pound:First thing I read this morning. I agree with Mo. The Jay stuff was the funniest.

    I'm almost going to regret pummeling you when we finally square off because I know you'll be in a foul mood (matches the foul warthog/pumba smell) after I crush you.

    Hey, where is the love for the Taters? You'll see. You'll ALL see. Look out Chips on Pistons.

    I'd type more ,but if you'll excuse me I need to go add some apostrophes to my name. I think that will make the difference for my team. :hoops:
     
  5. Warthog

    Warthog Bench Warmer

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    Here's the predictions and preview for Week 3. Feel free to edit and put this at the top post.

    * Moved courtesy of your neighborhood moderator, MotownPride
     
  6. MotownPride

    MotownPride Starter 2x Fantasy Champion

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    Bump for new Preview by Warthog at the top of the page:bump: !
     
  7. Darth Tater

    Darth Tater All-Star Forum Donor 6x Fantasy Champion

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    Brilliant! I thought about doing something similar to this last year, but it would have paled in comparison to your stuff. :rofl:

    Wart, how did you hide this great talent for an entire year? Now I'm starting to wonder if my boy Slippy has some talent too? We better start looking really hard to find it.:sherlock:
     
  8. Warthog

    Warthog Bench Warmer

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    lol well i didn't play fantasy last year with you guys :O i appreciate the compliments, but i think some of you guys are just as goofy as i am and somehow share a similar sense of humor lol
     
  9. MotownPride

    MotownPride Starter 2x Fantasy Champion

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    Dude this is just WAYYYYYYY too funny. I can honestly say I enjoyed every line in that preview. EXCELLENT! The extra category stuff...that's just too much. :pound:
     

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