Discussion in 'Fantasy Sports Central' started by Warthog, Dec 11, 2006.
Coming soon!! In the meantime, please enjoy this image:
baaaaaah. Enjoy it while it lasts. It ain't over till the fat lady posts your championship banner.
I appreciate you quoting my whole post with the image, in case people didn't see it the first time!!
Not my finest work, but it should do...
Week 6 Results:
Warthog's Wackjobs (6), Promise not to quit (3)
Professor tried to Gladiator this week, outnumbering the Wackjobs and saying "Warthog should know when he's conquered", while Wart tried to Braveheart it and yelled "FREEEEEEE THROOOOOOOWS." The Wackjobs pulled out the victory by taking the categories that did not rely as much on number of games played, and stealing a couple from the others. Rashard Lewis continued to beast it up as the #1 Yahoo player, snagging 4 steals on the final day to make it a 6-3, instead of 5-4 victory. To be fair, Professor was spared when Bosh and Johnson decided to sit out the final day. They were last seen at the strip club laughing at the 11 teams with a worse rank in the league, and writing it off as a basketball business expense because they witnessed large round objects bouncing.
The student became the teacher.
Slippys Tato-Mashers (6), 16 MIle (3)
The Slipster was hoping to slip into first, up 7-2 on Sunday while Warthog was only up 5-4. 16 Mile came through, however, besting Slippy by .001 in field goal percentage. Slippy dominated in most of the other categories, especially turnovers. Those are some slippery balls he has. Ew. He still couldn't top his turnover record from earlier in the season, but promises to try his hardest in week 7.
Tater Tots (7), Phytophthora infesta (2)
Holy difficult-to-pronounce name batman!! Linwood was nervous and tried to distract the Tater Tots with a name change, but Tater sensed this was an act of desperation and went for the kill. On a sidenote, did anyone else hate when tater tots were on the menu for lunch in elementary school? In 1st grade they had submarine sandwiches for lunch, and I normally packed my own food, but I saw that and begged my mom for money to buy that. I always saw those cartoons where the subs looked awesome, with lettuce and tomatoes and 12 feet long, etc. However when I got the sub from school, it was a few slabs of random lunch meat inside a hot dog bun, and it grossed me out. I tossed that and ate an apple and was hungry the rest of the day.
Anyway, I was close in saying Tater would win 6-3. I noted that FG%, FT%, 3PTM, REB, and ST would determine the winner, and Tater handily won 4 of those 5 categories, and also was on the good side of a close category with Blocks, edging out Linwood 18-17. Linwood was hoping for
but simply didn't get it.
Aurora Kimmie Lights (7), sprockets (2)
Dba's worst fears were realized. While dba and Aurora were basement-dwelling, Ray Allen played hide-and-seek in the dark and injured himself, and will be out for quite awhile. Now he's gone from 1st to 7th place in 2 weeks, tied with Himat and Linwood who have also underachieved. At least the sprockets have an excuse!! From what I hear, Villanueva is back, so that should help out a little. I said the sprockets would be in trouble if Aurora could take FG% and FT%, but she only took 1, so dba had to settle for FT% and the guaranteed turnover victory. Hey at least you know you won't ever get shutout, right? I predict you'll be the only team without a tie for the entire year. And if you do tie, forget I said anything. In fact if I'm ever wrong, just forget that and pretend I'm right. That's what I do.
Ralphimaniacs (7), bball_future (2)
Well it looks like a bad week for Jay all around - Darko blows against his former team, his Magic lose to the Pistons, the Magic forums complain about Darko sucking, and Ralphi obliterates him in fantasy. Of course he probably thinks the opposite actually happened and is happy with his week. He'd be a good life coach. Ralphi rallied around a menacing new team name and got himself back into a tie for 3rd. He just won't go away!! He needs to be careful against #2 Slippy this week. Ralphi barely won in a few categories, and if he tries that against Slippy it won't be pretty.
HIMATS TEAM (5), ChipsOnPistons (4)
Chips' namby pambies actually got up to play more than 2 games this week, but it still wasn't enough to hold off Himat, who was looking for revenge after getting blasted 8-1 in Week 5. Both teams were very evenly matched (as the final score also indicates), with 6 of the 9 categories coming down to 10 points or less. Chips was looking forward to a 5-4 victory, planning to take Rebounds as Randolph didn't play on Sunday, but fell just short. He manages to remain in a tie for 3rd, while Himat is starting to climb back up the ladder now that he and Pierce have made up, Martin started returning to form, and Davis has been healthy.
Wow - no jokes in that last one, and just a straight recap. Am I losing my touch? Hmm let's see...
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!! harhahrhar
Yep, still got it!!!!
Week 7 Predictions:
Warthog's Wackjobs (33-18-3) vs. ChipsOnPistons (30-22-2)
#1 vs. #3, ruh roh!! For once, the Wackjobs are playing more games than their opponent this week! Chips' Pistons only play 3 times, and considering Warthog won 6-3 last week severely shorthanded, he should dominate along the lines of 50-0. If the score went that high, that's what it would be. Add the fact that MoPete is back with Toronto and it should be no contest. Wart's plan of letting everyone else get 2nd-5th place and then personally knocking them down, slowly but surely pulling away from the league, is working beautifully. Chips might win in turnovers and MAYBE free throw percentage. Did this cockiness bite me in the rear end last time? Yah, but I'm in 1st and totally awesome so it's okay.
Slippys Tato-Mashers (33-20-1) vs. Ralphimaniacs (30-22-2)
Ma-ma-ma match o' da week! #2 vs. #3. I'm rooting for Ralphi to win 6-3 so I can get further separation from everyone. And he should pull it off, considering Slippy is still yapping over his victory against Tater. It was 2 weeks ago, let it go! Ralphi's team has been really strong the whole year, while Slippy beats you into submission by dominating the big categories: points, boards, and assists. So there's your 3 wins for the week, and Ralphi will take the rest.
Ralphi, Ralphi, he's our man! If he can't do it, I hope his players can!
Phytophthora infesta (25-27-2) vs. 16 MIle (15-38-1)
According to Wikipedia, "Phytophthora infestans is a water mold, that causes the serious disease of the potato, late blight or potato blight." That is pretty clever. More clever than anything Slippy could ever think of. This cleverness did not reward him against Tater, who sold his soul for Darth powers and protection from diseases, but it could work against 16 MIle, even though roads are not made of plants. It probably has more to do with the fact that 16 MIle relies heavily on Luke Walton...and Jordan Farmar. Linwood infests the weak 16 MIle 6-3 and gets back above .500.
Aurora Kimmie Lights (27-27-0) vs. Tater Tots (27-25-2)
Aurora climbed out of the basement and can now be considered absolutely mediocre and average. Congratulations. Her team gets the namby pamby award this week simply because she's a girl, and I was always taught that women are fragile and emotionally unstable. When I come into contact with an actual woman I will report back and let you guys know if that's is true. Unfortunately Tater is going to kick her back down the stairs, shut the door, and lock it. His team keeps winning despite everyone gunning for him. He says he likes the target on his back. If he's not careful though, Aurora's gonna put him on his back and kick him in the ribs. Or at least the spot ribs would be if a potato had them. Look for it to be a close 5-4 victory for Tater. Matching up each category, they should both win 4 categories and then fight over FG%, in which Tater has a slight advantage.
Promise not to quit (21-32-1) vs. sprockets (26-28-0)
Finally the sprocket protectors catch a break! His china dolls get to play the league's 2nd punching bag, the Professor! Apparently the Prof teaches classes in how to get dominated in fantasy basketball. Take notes dba - write them on an index card and slip them in your TI-82 cover, or store them as text in your calculator's Programs list and cheat during the test. The Professor will never know!! Like the Lions, dba views this as a winnable game, but Professor has other ideas. They both agree to collaborate, cheat, not tell the dean, and find a way to give themselves 9-0 records.
HIMATS TEAM (26-28-0) vs. bball_future (24-30-0)
Himat keeps underachieving. His team is strong and should be in the top half of the league. Jay, however, is right where he belongs, all alone in 10th place, singing the praises of The Milicic. Don't enter his apartment, it's got pictures of the mustachio'd one hanging all over his walls, and a Darko head taped over an inflated Ben Wallace. What he does with that in his spare time, I don't want to know.
Looking at the categories, Himat and Jay are very similar across the board minus FT% and 3PTM, which is where Himat will get his 6-3 victory while they split the others.
too true darth.
and you got me to thank for that 1st place in sleeper warthog buddy, after my 'true sleepers' deeeestroyed ralphie's 'all-stars' last week 8-2. who said he couldn't be beaten? i predicted it!
These are the highlight of my week. I don't know if that's because my life is sad or that Warthog is awesome. Probably a little of both.
Not a clue on your life but the Wart is totally awesome. Well, I mean his recaps are awesome...his team is vastly overrated.
actually I'm glad someone beat me since there where some complaints about the unfair draft (for instance because I got Kevin Martin at #1)- still, my guys are going to come back, I'm still figuring out how that vast loss to your loser squad could happen
Maybe it's time for Tim Thomas to find another team...
Now that's crazy! Makes me wonder if you're Jay Leno's ghostwriter.
i do have leno's chin, so...
i understand your tim thomas frustration. he nets me some 3s here and there, and some boards, but his FG% is usually horrendous. he often has 1 good game a week to balance that out though, but it's very frustrating.
however if he's good enough to be on my #1 regular squad, he should be good enough for a sleeper league, right? ;)
and webz, thank you very much, although please don't play well this week!!!!
Great recap. I'd be rolling on the floor laughing if I weren't rolling on the floor crying.
Ah prof, Nocioni was rightfully mine...
"...We still have judgment here;
that we but teach Bloody instruction,
which, being taught,
return to plague the inventor..."
Separate names with a comma.