It's back!!!! Please excuse me, however, I think most of my comedic muscles are still on vacation and hungover. I do promise to have some excellent images later of the battle between me and Tater. And as always, predictions to come soon! Week 10 Results: Warthog's Wackjobs (5), Tater Tots (4) Hmmm...in Tater's trash talk he mentioned something about smelling bacon. I can't remember because he promptly erased it after getting absolutely DOMINATED by the extremely convincing score of 5-4. What a beatdown!! Especially those 2 extra 3-pointers and 2 extra blocks. Totally convincing. Errrr yeah. Wart was very nervous playing against the surging Taters, with Rashard Lewis out and Gerald Wallace lighting up. Thankfully Mr. China Doll Wallace injured himself for the week. Wart tried his best to lose, with TJ Ford and Garbajosa and Tony Parker all sitting out at various points during the week, and Joe Johnson suffering from turf toe. Tater kept his perfect streak alive, now 0-10 in turnovers. For awhile his perfect streak looked to have ended, with Elton Brand pulling down 7-8 TOs a game, but his guys came through in the end. Thanks Gilbert Lebrenas James. Stay tuned for images of this bloodbath later today. Slippy's Infirmary (4), bball_future (5) Holy major upset Batman! Slippy had a perfect opportunity to gain ground on both Warthog and Ralphi, but failed to do so. Thankfully for the Slipster, Ralphi also choked. Even a well-placed apostrophe in his name couldn't save him from the Darko onslaught. Or maybe it's the fact that Yao is injured. But credit Jay for having faith in Darko - you know he caused Yao's injury right? Being a mobile 7-footer caused Yao to twist his ankles one day just from watching game-tape of Darko running a 4.2 40. I couldn't believe it either until I saw the video on the alient spaceship after they beamed me up. Jay's been playing tough lately, only losing 6-3 to Warthog, then beating Slippy, and now getting a shot against Linwood. It may not be enough to make a playoff push, but he could play spoiler. Slippy's lost 2 in a row after winning his previous 5, and better get his act together since he has to face #1 this week (wait, who is that again? Oh that's right...ME!!) ChipsOnPistons (6), 6 Mile (3) Chips has been getting a taste of the munchies these days, grabbing 6 wins in each of his past 3 weeks after a few rough outings. Apparently when the Pistons lose it is good for his fantasy stats, which means he should fare well this week since the Pistons are playing 4 opponents with a combined record of 48 games under .500. Linwood smells a little like desperation, changing his name to 6 mile. It reminds me of when my cousin was at U of D Mercy and the worker in the McDonald's Drive-Thru offered to buy his car on the spot. Not sure how my cousin would've gotten home. Of course he could have just waited for someone to pick him up, as that particular McDonald's also had an enormous subwoofer inside blasting out tunes. Aurora Kimmie Lights (7), HIMATS TEAM (2) Wow, Aurora (or The Poster Formerly Known As Aurorakmw) absolutely obliterated Himat. I would say it's because Pierce was out, but Himat never played him even when he was healthy. If you'd like to trade him, I will reluctantly, but willingly give you Luther Head. How can you go wrong with a guy whose last name is Head?? I'm still not sure how such a stacked team is in 9th place and 20 games out of 1st place, but if you'd like to make some changes, I'll also trade you Luther Head for Randolph, Garnett, Davis, Bibby, or Martin. Ya know, just to help you get back in this league, since I'm such an altruist. Aurora on the other hand, keeps hovering in the middle of the pack, lying in the shadows and waiting to strike at those thinking they'll still get something easy on her. Just like a woman... Promise not to quit (5), Ralphimaniacs (4) Ralphi had the same chance as Slippy to gain some ground on Warthog and take the #2 spot by himself, but also failed 5-4 against the Professor. We were reminded of the Professor's basketball skills in a thread brought back from earlier in the year, watching him dominate an And-1 tournament. It must have been that confidence boost that propelled him to victory over the #2 team in the league. Ralphi was last season Ralphing in Professor's class as payback. 16 MIle (7), sprockets (2) Behold the bombastic battle of the blatantly bad basement dwellers!! The two worst teams in the league met to see who could be better at losing, and the sprockets delivered!! Dba posted pathetic FG% and FT% numbers while 16 MIle had more turnovers than the Tots of Tater, which is absolutely astounding. The injury bug has been extremely unfortunate to dba this year. After winning his first 3 games and being #1 in the league, he has dropped 7 straight, and lost 8-1 or 7-2 in of those contests. Cheer up though, at least Ray Allen is back! For 16 MIle, it was only his 2nd win of the year. I'd continue further but I have to go smile some more about him admitting he was wrong about Maxiell. Unless that was Lee or Jay who said that. I can't keep them straight. :( Week 11 Predictions: Warthog's Wackjobs (59-28-3) vs. Slippy's Infirmary (51-37-2) #1 vs. #2, here we go!! Warthog has had to play a slew of tough opponents lately, while Slippy has been slipping down a slippery slope of slipperiness. Both teams match up closely in most categories, and both teams are missing fantasy studs Yao Ming and Rashard Lewis. In fact, Slippy's starting forward tonight is some random guy named --Empty--. Boy, his parents must have hated him! Look for Slippy to nab the upset in Steals, while Warthog nabs the upset in rebounds with his four-headed Voltron-ish monster of Gasol, Okafor, Brand, and Bosh (GOBB). Or GasokaBrosh. Or perhaps it is BroshaforGasol. Either way, Slippy can't take first unless he scores a 9-0 victory, so look for Wart to still be in 1st when the week is over. 6 mile (40-48-2) vs. bball_future (36-53-1) Jay is still riding high from his upset victory and falls asleep at the wheel against 6 mile, who distracts him by offering to buy his '81 Cougar in a Wendy's drive through in exchange for benching all of his players this week. Look for Linwood to make a comeback and snatch the victory. Also look for Darko to put up his usual All-Star 6 points and 3 rebounds while going 40% from the free-throw line. As an extra challenge for Linwood, I gave motivation to Jay by somehow putting his team as the 2nd name listed in his match, despite being the winner. That lack of respect should fuel his team's fire. Except for the tinted-windowed one, has has no fire inside to begin with. Aurora Kimmie Lights (47-43-0) vs. ChipsOnPistons (50-37-3) Aurora's looking to eat some Baked Lays, and Chips is getting laid for his excellent fantasy league performances as of late. Mentioning that you're 4th place in a Novice fantasy basketball league gets the girls EVERY time. The Pistons have 4 winnable games this week, which means their opponent will keep it much closer than it needs to be and the starters will have to play 40 mins a night, which should make up for Chauncey being out and allow Chips to win 5-4 or 6-3. Aurora's team gets the namby pamby award this week simply for buying a woman, and because I couldn't think of anyone else who deserved it. Promise not to quit (42-47-1) vs. HIMATS TEAM (40-49-1) The Professor took Ralphi to school over Christmas break, and now a reeling Himat has to sit in those dreaded first-week-back classes. Himat falls asleep from exhaustion, while the Prof tries to add insult to injury and gives out so much homework that it backfires and the students revolt. Chaos ensues, and Himat barely makes it out alive, netting a 5-4 victory. This is the most even match of the week, so watch it closely - should be a good one. sprockets (33-57-0) vs. Ralphimaniacs (51-37-2) #2 vs. #12 - almost doesn't seem fair, does it? Perhaps the sprocket protectors are just sandbagging until the All-Star break? It's a risky move and might backfire if they don't make the playoffs, but if it does work...look out! Normally Ralphi would give his starters a rest and play the bench to give them time to develop, but not after missing out on an excellent opportunity last week against the Professor. Ralphi is 'Out for Blood' (which is a song by the now-defunct metal band The Crown), and will be listening to Wart's Metal mix tape to get pumped. Tater Tots (47-41-2) vs. 16 MIle (35-54-1) Thankfully you get to play a new opponent every week, otherwise Mr. Darth would have to be playing with a skinless, baked and mashed potato. 16 MIle dominated the sprockets to get out of last place, and will try to run over Tater on 16 Mile and make him tasty roadkill. But Tater's mom AND the Sith Lord both taught him to look both ways before crossing the street, or Beggar's canyon, so he should avoid getting run over and annihilate his opposition.